Singing in Strength in Struggle

My internal body clock is stuck somewhere between Croatia and here, exahustingly seeking the comfort of my sheets at 8:30 pm then wrestling with alertness at 2:30 am. I always seem to have the greatest battle readjusting when I move east to west and this trip has been no different. What is more frustrating for me this time is that my intestinal clock seems completely lost in space, with intense pangs of hunger, indigestion at the wickedest hours, and, it feels like its seeking something I have yet figured out. One of the greatest 'comfort foods' is eggs and yet, the yolks are not as orange as those in Croatia, nor are they as tasty. None the less, they are a soothing balm to an out of sorts tract.

My mind rushes back to a time, when talking with Andrea, a caretaker at the hospital I provide musical therapy at, of her sharing that even after purchasing the coffee and the means to prepare it in Croatia, it just doesn't taste nearly the same. For her, it was the coffee, for me, it is the eggs.

It is impossible to 'explain' the difference, just as it is impossible to explain the delicate difference between a life fully submitted to Christ, and one mostly submitted to Him. I find myself now in a place where my experience in Croatia crashes into my daily experience here, and I mean crash at highway speeds. With my body clock rocked, my intestines a bit of a mess, I find that my work a day world is also filled with challenge as well. Now before anyone rush to my rescue and think I am falling apart, neigh, I am far from that. God is gently guiding me through all the twists and turns in a way I've never experienced before. He has given me a new calm, and an incredible peace as I walk with Him.

Just yesterday, I recieved a call from a mother of one of my past students informing me that her daughter had passed away the evening before. We all knew it was coming, those of us who knew this beautiful young life, was touched by her sweetness and zest for each day. Hardest of all was to watch the brain cancer and its treatment rob her of all we had come to see and love in her. Her mother gave me permission to share this news with the staff and with excruciating sadness, the wave overcame our school.

As I walked the campus, many young lives were sad, and God allowed me to come along side providing some of His comfort to them. It was as if He has prepared me for this part of my journey with His promise of hope, knowing that I will see KaSandra when He calls me home as He has her. It is an honor and privilege to walk in the comfort and grace of my Jesus, and I would be unable to provide strength in and of myself.

While watching people who knew her, and listening to the pains in their hearts, there is a distinct difference from those with a relationship with Christ and those whe have not yet found Him. We who trust His soveriegnty and fully know that there is an eternal life for us, while filled with emotion and pain, cling to the hope and promise of the life KaSandra now lives. We see her dancing in heaven freed from the anchor that weighed her soul as she valiantly battled her cancer here. If opportunity was taken, and careful observation made, one would see in her a courageous, noble heart, facing her struggles with dignity and incredible grace.

How interesting it is that one can learn volumes from such a young life. How to cherish each moment, live it with gusto and fill it with laughter, be a real friend to friends, a phenominal student to her teachers and truly the most beautiful of daughters to her mom; and yet, for me, all of this aligns with the deep and powerful work that is being wrought out in my life by the hand of God. He didn't allow me to say good by to KaSandra, but He has placed in me her smile, her zest for life, and most importantly her love for her Savior.

I found myself singing in strength in struggle while in Croatia, and it has come home with me here, back into my own world with verve and power. Drinking deeply in the pain of life, as well as feasting on the monumental joys I walk with Him knowing that He will provide all we need in and through every moment. An incredible peace washes over my soul every day and I know it isn't the jet lag, or my incoherence due to it. It is the gift of my Savior and the Holy Spirit dripping over my life with His love, now spread on those He brings my way to touch with His fingers, and hold with His arms. It is a gift each of us could have, could share, and could bless others with.

Will you join me in carrying the torch of Christ to the souls desperately in need? I feel its time to let Christ transform our world, in most of us, and as He continues to do humbly within me. Lets join Him in the cause of His kingdom and fan into flames the warmth of His glory.